Dahlia Rain

I’ve left my beloved Jewel in the frigid Midwest loaded with all of our belongings, she’s parked in storage which was less expensive than renting a storage unit that would serve the same purpose.  We did such a good job of downsizing that everything will fit in a 5×5 storage unit.

I find myself sitting on an air mattress on the floor in the Pacific Northwest just wishing I had my home on wheels with me. That I could lay on my own bed and look out the window, start up her engine and drive to to the river and just watch the water out of my own windows for the day.

I’m starting to make the plan to go back and get her…. my plane ticket will be $200… then what do I do… I have several people who want to go back with me to get her… one of them not being my 12 year old son.

It looks like the trip should be about $2,000 which I can do in a few weeks.  But, do I really want to drive her across the United States in February or March?!  I’m wondering if my desperation is getting in the way of my common sense.

I’m going to get a little ahead of myself for a bit, because I just can’t hold it in any longer.  I arrived home last week after my 3,400 mile adventure across the country with my son and my cat and my 4 houseplants. Recharging has been difficult. I discovered last summer that the drive across the country requires quite a bit of recharging. I’m a bit unique, I am only able to recharge under certain circumstances…. Those haven’t been able to be met quite yet.

One of the most important aspects of moving home has been, nature. Hiking and road trips have been such a vital component to my soul and my spiritual awareness.  Michigan is beautiful in it’s own way, however, it’s not what I need. And, I’ve discovered, it is a NEED, not a want.  I tried to explain it to a few people, Midwest people, but it’s hard for them to comprehend what I’m talking about. There isn’t a way to really articulate the soul fulfilling rejuvenation I receive when I’m in the woods, in the Gorge or next to one of the many waterfalls I’m so familiar with. Everyone is different, I’m unable to understand they way they feel about their lakes and wide open landscape they enjoy.

Yesterday was the first day I was able to get in my car with just a quarter tank of gas and hit the road, I knew exactly where I was going… East, just a few short miles.

It’s just amazing how things happen… My boss pulled me into her office to discuss my performance, I was doing good but she could tell that I really wasn’t happy and I wanted to be back home in Oregon.  She told me that she could tell that my soul was dying by the lack of sparkle in my eyes… WOW!  After some discussion I put in my notice and I cried the whole way home, I was so scared!! I was scared at the loss of the “security” a job holds. Over the weekend I started to feel better, I went to work Monday and that ended up being my last day.

Once I decided that I was moving home… the ball just started rolling!! Doors started opening and I was amazed at how things were lining up to make things possible!! 🙂 Currently I’m selling things to make some money, my son’s last day of school is on the 25th which is the last day of the quarter. It looks like we are leaving in 2 weeks!! Or less than two weeks!!

I’m purging and going through all of our things. I’m watching Tidying up with Marie Kondo and I’m listening to the Minimalist podcasts which is helping so much!! When I moved to Michigan two years ago I brought a 7ftx5ft box from U-Haul with me, I crammed it full! I’m looking now at all of the things that I brought with me and they don’t mean as much to me now, I no longer need them. My current plan is to pack my 21′ class C motor home with all of the things I’m going to bring with me and then put it in storage until the spring when driving across the country is a little more reasonable. Then I’m going to put me and my son and our cat into our car and drive across the country 🙂

I’ve never wanted a “normal” life… I’ve never wanted to be one of those people who who went to a job they didn’t really enjoy in order to get a paycheck that barely covered their daily expenses. I live in a downstairs unit of a house that was built in 1901, in Michigan. The new owner of the house lives upstairs which isn’t so bad, he’s a nice guy, in his 20’s I would say, he’s a paramedic and gone a lot. I have lots of windows which lets in natural light which is a necessity for me.

I have an office job, I work Monday through Friday from 8am to 5pm, I’m good at my job, but I don’t enjoy it. I’m a single mom which is why I have the job, the hours work best for my son and I need to provide him with a “stable” home, or so I’ve been told… by EVERYONE.

I keep thinking that the money I make in a month could be put to a better use, I don’t have cable or outrageous bills. I make $1,500 a month… If I didn’t have rent I could make that last a lot longer.

In recap… I work at a job I don’t enjoy, spend most of the day away from my son, in order to pay for the roof over our head, that we also don’t really enjoy. I moved across the country and have no real friends here, so I have no social life. I work, I cook dinner with my son, we watch TV and then go to bed only to wake up and repeat. I feel like my soul is being corroded away. I have no hopes, no dreams, no light at the end of the tunnel. There has got to be a better way.